I use to not attend mass regularly. Most of the time I had "a good excuse". I was too tired, I didn't want to get up for 8:30 mass on a Sunday, I had other plans, I didn't have a chance to take a shower. I was distancing myself from God. Did I do it on purpose? I don't think so. I think it was hearing that little voice calling me to explore religious life, but my desire to be like everyone else made me want to run away from it. Make sense?
Well, I was at mass this Sunday in my parish (doesn't happen too often for various reasons). In attendance were 3 out of 5 of my classmates from school. (Our parish had closed the school when were in 2nd grade) 2/6 are now married, 1/6 is still in school, 2/6 I'm unsure of, and then there is me. So, as I was sitting at mass I was thinking at how much we all have grown apart. They wouldn't even make eye contact with me. (One of the reasons I do not like going here for mass) I wonder what they would say if I told them of my vocation...
Also, while at mass, I got to thinking about the sacraments I have received. They all have happened at this church. Baptism, First Reconciliation, First Communion, Confirmation. I use to think that I would become married at this church, I even planned how I would decorate for my wedding. My mind seemed at peace thinking that I may not get married in my little parish. It was a weird feeling, like God was sitting next to me, holding my hand, telling me that he has such big plans for me and to just trust him.
My brain is telling me to slow down, to take this all in and enjoy the journey of discernment. My heart is telling me to take the next step. Start talking to different religious orders. Go visit a couple. I will have to talk to my spiritual director about this...
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