On A Season of Waiting

Advent is the season of preparing for the coming of Jesus. I have also read that it is a season of preparing for the 2nd coming. This year, for me, it is a season of waiting.

I did it guys! I have finished my application to join the Adorers of the Blood of Christ! It is all out of my hands now and on its way to leadership. This whole thing feels super surreal.

It's now time for me to wait. It seems fitting that it is during Advent that I am doing my waiting. I'm waiting on so many things. Will I get accepted? Where will be my welcoming community? Who will be my welcoming community? When will I get to move into community?

This Advent I will focus my frustrations of not knowing so many things into prayer. It will be a prayerful Advent as I await not only the coming of Jesus, but the answer to so many questions!

My Parish

Over the last year, one thing I have truly worked hard on is going to mass for the Eucharist and not because I liked the priest at that particular parish. My parish is at risk of getting closed. This devastated me because this is where I was baptized, received my first reconciliation and first communion, and was confirmed. I kind of hope to possibly say vows at my church someday. 

As much as it bothered me that my parish was at risk of closing, I was not attending mass there because I didn't like the priest. He tended to be long winded and I struggled with following his thoughts during the homily. Then I had my big revelation. 

If people aren't attending mass in their parish, then how will they know that we want our parish to stay opened?

With this thought, I decided to make en effort to attend mass in my home parish. I attended mass almost every Saturday night. When I missed it on Saturday, I went Sunday morning. The priest grew on me and I realized he should not have kept me away from my parish home. 

Then summer came and I found myself gone many weekends and unable to be at my parish home for mass. I missed it. I was finally finding my place in my parish as an adult! 

Then I moved.

I miss my parish family. I miss knowing people when I go to mass. I miss knowing where I sit and the songs that are going to be used. I miss the awkward chit chat at the end of mass. I miss my priest awkwardly asking how formation is going. I miss the church ladies and their hugs. I miss being able to leave my purse in the car because I know no one is going to mess with it. I miss being Eucharistic Minister.

This parish will always be my home parish. I look forward to being there for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I will soak in as much of it as I can while I am home. In the meantime, I think I'll attend mass with the sisters this week. I need some familiar faces this week.

Oh, look, a Post!

Oh, hey there! Long time no see! It's been a crazy busy few months for me!

Back in June, I had a freak out moment where I was doubting everything I was doing. I was incredibly unhappy and didn't know if becoming a sister was what I should do. I had been turned down by one job, interviewed for another and offered one that I would love, but it would not pay enough for me to live on. I was really bummed. I pushed back my application to join the sisters and spent time focusing on me.

July brought more crazy-ness. My vocation director was in Italy at a formation conference. This gave me space and time to get over the fears I had back in June. I began wondering if I was joining the right order. Had I talked to enough people? I felt like I had left a window open with one order and needed the closer. I arranged a meeting and soon realized that I was, indeed, right where I was suppose to be. The end of July brought much craziness!

I had about given up hope of finding a full time teacher job. This summer, I had applied to so many different schools, I figured God was calling me somewhere else. The last week in July, I heard from a Catholic school in Wichita, KS. I had my interview, then I waited. While I was waiting, I had also heard from a Catholic school in New Mexico. I was offered the job in Wichita on a Thursday, interviewed for the New Mexico job on Friday and was unofficially offered that job. I had been applying to teach in Wichita for a year and half. I took that job!

August brought trips to Wichita to start the set-up process for my classroom and then to move in. Right after I made the drive here to move, I flew out to go to Chicago for Catholics on Call. I know I have said it before, but I can't spread things out. I do all things all at once. I have officially been in my apartment for a month! 

I am now a 2nd grade teacher at a small Catholic school in Wichita, KS. I have 21 students. I'm still slightly dazed that I am actually here. I was offered the job and then had to move within 2 weeks to start school. I am back on track with my application and looking to finish it before Christmas. I am happy and starting to find my grove here in Kansas!

See! I'm a teacher and everything!

A Lesson Learned the Hard Way

As I (think) I have mentioned, June was a busy month for me. 

June 8-11: Wichita Trip

June 12-14: TEC 50th Anniversary (I was in charge of the Wheat Team)

June 15-19: Ruma Visit

June 19-21: Assembly of US Region Sisters

June 21: Tickets to the Muny

I had spread myself a bit too thin and it stressed me out. These were all things I wanted to do, but should I? I also had family from out of state in June 12-14, would I get a chance to visit with them? I was/am applying for jobs that are full time and come with benefits, but not having much luck.

As you can see from my last post, I had a blast on my Wichita trip! I came home that Thursday and crashed! I had *hoped* to sleep until about 10am Friday. I would then get up and head to Belleville for the TEC 50th. I received a text at 7:30am asking if I could come early. I was at the 50th by 9:30am...I didn't get to sleep in and felt lucky to have clean clothes on. The day went well. They even gave me this awesome walkie-talkie comets with secret service earpiece!

I didn't get home until after midnight and was up again around 6am. This was the pattern for the weekend. I was exhausted by Sunday! Saturday night/Sunday consisted of a complete breakdown doubting my entire discernment. I wondered if I was going to fast. I was unsure if I should go on the Ruma visit. I was late Sunday morning getting to the 50th because I had been crying in my car. Walking in to the church, I began crying again. Once mass started, more tears of doubt. I spent the first part of mass in the bathroom, crying. And texting my vocation director. I did t know how to handle all these emotions. She was going to be in town the next day so I made her promise that we would have time to talk and I promised I would not back out (yet) from the visit.

Monday I slept and felt better, but I knew I needed to talk! She finally arrived and we had our talk. I felt better, not completely, but a bit.

Tuesday was rough. I felt like the third wheel, the tag-along, the unwanted visitor. (Another applicant from out of town was also visiting) Towards the end of the day, I almost just packed my bags and left. This was not like the Wichita visit. I felt like I needed space. Space away from the sisters. I had another talk with my vocation director and I told her this.

Wednesday was a whirlwind of minaret visits and learning I shouldn't give directions.

Thursday was restful and I feel myself recharge. I walked the labyrinth and had a HUGE revelation. (I'll be blogging it soon)

Friday-Sunday were okay. I still felt somewhat like a third-wheel. This is something I need to work on. 

I learned a valuable lesson. I can't and shouldn't do it all! The meltdown on Sunday was made worse by exhaustion. I am working on telling people no. Itisn't  always easy, especially when it's something I want to do. I need to remember, at this stage of formation, I need to take care of myself!

Wait? Has It Really Been Over a Month?!?!

What??? I have had a very busy summer and it's only July!! I think we need an update!

Let's start where I left off...my long awaited trip to WICHITA!!!

Oooo, look, airplane picture!!! Lol! My trip was too short! I left my house (too) early so I would have plenty of time to get to the airport and through security. No major issues. I then say and waited at my gate for a few hours. I'm glad I was early because waiting at my gate is a lot less stressful than waiting in a speeding car. My flight landed safely and on time in Dallas. Then I had my dreaded terminal change. I managed it without issue! I found my gate (after already 1 gate change) then went off in search of lunch. I then went back to wait the 3 hour layover out with (healthy) food and a Diet Pepsi!

Soon after finishing, they switched gates on us for the 3rd time. I gathered my belongings and headed to the new gate. We sit there for awhile and then I notice the flight has been delayed, only by a few minutes. I notify my vocation director/person who would be picking me up. Then they switch gates on us for a 4th time! I again get all my belongings together and head to the new gate.

As we wait at the new gate, the time for my flight keeps getting pushed back. We are now over an hour delayed. The plane finally shows up, we board, and we push out from the gate! Then we sit for another hour! We pull back up to the gate and they tell us they are having problems and we are getting off and they are going to restart the plane to see if that will fix the problem. Another hour later, all is well, we are back on the plane! The crew had a great sense of humor and the flight went fast. After being stuck at DFW for 6 hours, I was ready for Wichita!

I had missed all my scheduled activities for that day, but, at the time, I was okay with that. I was tired and ready for bed.

Tuesday morning came quick! The reality that I was making my first official convent visit was setting in! I woke up and went to breakfast and morning prayer. The day was a blur of meeting sisters and finding out about what their ministries are. I had a fabulous lunch/tour of Wichita with a sister who is a historian. Then we had some "sister sharing". I felt like I really got to know the sisters and they got to know me. I attended mass and evening prayer and then had dinner with a local community of sisters. I could have sat and listened to their stories all night! The night ended and I was driven back to the convent.

Wednesday was similar. We visited some of the local sponsored ministries. I attended "friendship coffee" with some of the sisters. I also set the date for one of the "tests" for my application. (Please keep me in your prayers on August 13). I had dinner with another local community. These sisters were much quieter. On our way back, they gave me a tour of Newman University and a history lesson. It was wonderful!

Thursday was wake up, breakfast, morning prayer, say good bye, and head to the airport. The trip went by way too fast! 

Summary: I can see myself in Wichita someday!

NAS: The Holy Spirit

Ahhh!!! It's summer vacation! Today was my first day and it feels weird! I loved being at the same school all year this year! Tomorrow (May 27th) I have an interview for a full-time position at a low-income Catholic School in my diocese. So, if you could take a moment at 1:30 pm central standard time to pray that it goes well, I would be very grateful!

Now, the prompt for the NAS this week is the Holy Spirit. Seems perfect considering that we celebrated Pentecost on Sunday! 

I LOVE the first reading on Pentecost Sunday! It gives my chills whenever I hear  it. It is truely amazing how the Holy Spurit moved the disciples. They were able to speak in different tongues and were understood by all! I was looking forward to mass on Sunday solely to hear this reading and to hear the homily.

Well, things don't always go according to plan...I hurt my back somehow between Friday and Sunday. I was in pain all day and the medicine I was taking made me dizzy so I knew I would not be driving myself to mass. If my parents went, they would take my dad's truck and there was no way I would be able to get in. Even if I did make it there, sitting in a pew would be tough. I was devistated! I wanted to go so badly. 

Well, we ended up taking my brother's car. Then, one of my favorite priests was saying mass so it didn't last over 45 minutes. (Disclaimer: he's not one of my favorites because he says short masses) His homily was good, but he didn't talk about the first reading.

But he did talk about not being afraid. How God provides for all and he is there to remind us not to be afraid. He talked about how when he met St. Pope John Paul II he was told by him to not be afraid. I felt like the Holy Spirit was talking through him to me. 

The last couple of weeks have been kind of stressful. I sent in my application for the Catholics on Call Conference, but one of my references got lost so we had to quickly fix that. That same day I got my flight info for my trip to Wichita. I will not only be flying by myself for the first time, but I will have to switch planes by myself at DFW. I also have this interview for a job I REALLY want tomorrow that I have had scheduled for 2 weeks. From June 8 through June 21 I will be on the go. This has me super stressed. I'll be in Wichita, then at TEC's 50th Celebration, then a week in Ruma, and finally Assembly. So I really won't be home for nearly 2 weeks.

But, God has said be not afraid. The Holy Spirit is with me giving me the comfort and peace to get through this next month. 

Check out Jen and Morgan's blogs for more NAS goodness!

7 QT: Another Update

Wowzers! I have been busy, busy, busy!!! I've been kept busy by the sisters and doing "homework". I will now share a little of what I have been up to!

1.

I had the opputinty to explore the a Ruma convent! Wow! It's really pretty! 

I could just sit quietly here and just enjoy the beauty!

2. I had this opportunity because I was invited to attend the 50th Jubilee celebration for some of the sisters. It was a pretty ceremony. It was also my first "on my own" event that I have attended. Normally, my vocation director or another sister is my guide, but they were all busy celebrating so I was on my own. Luckily, everyone is very friendly and I ended up getting to catchup with one of the sisters that taught me in high school. As the day went on, I found myself not wanting to leave. The Ruma convent is beginning to feel like home!

3. I have also had the chance to have dinner with another small community of sisters. I was very nervous because I would again be on my own AND I had to drive on a couple of different interstates to get there. It was a lovely dinner and I had the chance to hear their vocation stories. I was kind of shocked at how similar theirs were to mine. Some of them had also, at first, said no to a religious vocation. It also took some awhile to accept that it was where God was calling them.

4. I have also began exploring the vows. This was really difficult to start. I easily read the poverty section with no trouble. I feel like I can, and kind of already do, live that vow. Most of the celibacy section seemed like it would be a struggle, but doable. It encourages a support system because leading a celibate life isn't always easy. The obedience section also seemed doable. It's not like I will be told what to do, but it will be conversations and discernment where the community and I see where I should minister. Will there be difficult times? I'm sure, but that's when you talk to someone.

5. There was one section that I read that kind of put me in a panic. It was about never having my own children. This though has always been okay with me. However, when I read this, it, all of a sudden, wasn't okay. I don't know why, but I had a nice long chat with God about this. And I do wonder if I will be okay never having my own children.

6. I had the chance to have lunch at the Ruma convent with some sisters and associates. I love how welcoming they are and how they make me feel like part of their family. Next weekend, I have been invited down to meet the Jr. Associates and spend the day with them. They are young men and women 11-20 who want to grow in their faith through prayer, study, and charity. I'm excited to meet this group!

7. As I was leaving, I may have helped myself get a job. It's amazing how God works. The principal of a local Catholic School just so happened to be there as I was leaving and she is looking to hire a middle school social studies teacher! I'm certified to teach middle school social studies. The principal is considering becoming an associate, another associate works there, but is leaving to work with sisters in Tanzania for a year, and another sister works there. I think I would fit into this school! 

Please pray for me as I go about applying for this job!

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