Adoration...What Am I Missing?

I have a confession to make...I don't care for adoration.

What??? How can I be a Catholic, discerning religious life and not like adoration???

I think it's a lack of knowledge and not growing up with it. Maybe it's how it's done when I go.

Tonight, for example, I went to a "Surrender Adoration"...not a fan...not enough quiet time to talk to God. Surrender is a more contemporary adoration when praise music is being played and people are encouraged to sing along. I know this works for some people, but I found it hard to concentrate on my conversation with God with people singing, loudly right behind me.

I have also done a more traditional benediction while on TEC. It feels forced and awkward. We sit in a circle and take turns talking to God. 

So, I have a favor to ask. What draws you to adoration? What do you do when at adoration? What advice do you have for someone wanting to like adoration, but is having a hard time enjoying it?

Timehops

Who doesn't love a good Timehop?

Sometimes they are super boring

Such an interesting life I lead, I know!

Sometimes you wondered why you shared such a stupid thing...like how sick, bored, and the like with something.

I check my Timehop daily. I always find it them interesting and share the good ones.

Ya, totally shared this one...I thought it was funny enough to share a 2nd time, 5 years later....

Today, I read my Timehops, and I had a moment...

The Timehop:

The moment:

Who is always there for me when I'm going to fall? 

God. 

Who will always love me, no matter what? 

God. 

Who wants the best for me even when I don't realize what that is? 

God! 

Every time I fall, stumble, and fail, God will be there with His arms open. He will welcome me with a big hug and forgive me for my mistakes.

While what I meant 5 years ago was a boyfriend, what it means today is so much more.

**Please excuse the "Twilight" refrence.

The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns

As I was laying on the couch, dying from the flu on Sunday, I had a moment of awareness and I noticed a commercial for a new series...something that I had been looking for on YouTube...a show showing what it takes to become a sister!!!

I was BEYOND excited!!! I quickly found it and set it to record!

Tonight, "The Sisterhood: Becoming Nuns" premiered...

I'm slightly disappointed. First, I was hoping for young women further in their discernment journey. I feel like I'm further in my discernment than some of the women.

It takes some discernment to embark in such an adventure, but I don't think I could have done it when I was in the phase these ladies are in. Heck, it took me a month after I had my "ah-ha moment" to tell my parents and neatly 3 months before I felt comfortable enough to tell other family and friends. Now, about 5 months into the process, I'm willingly telling people I just meet that I'm discerning religious life.

What I was expecting was different. I thought the show was going to be about young woman who had discerned that they were called to religious life and that they were starting on that journey into the community they were called to.

I guess when I saw this as their promo picture, I should have known better...

Now, I don't Twitter, but a friend of mine sent me a link to the #RealPostulants and #RealNun and I have checked out what they had to say. Go check it out if you "Twitter".

Ya, this tweet is true...bah humbug!

The show had it's good moments. First, feelings I have been having were put into words. That feeling that God is "the one" for me and he has personally "proposed" to me. It's a strange concept, but that's THE feeling I have had! God's the one I want!

Second, I believe it was Francesca's mom who said something along the lines of not wanting her to go away...my mom has been saying this to me since I started looking seriously at communities.

I also enjoyed what the priest had to say about discernment. If you aren't doing the right thing, you will be like a bird with a broken wing. (At least, that is what I comprehended)

I relate to Claire. I think she's truely in a place where long visits to communities and serious discernment is right for her. I have a feeling she is going to become the "bad guy" because she is in a serious discernment.

So, I will be watching this reality show. I think the fact that I discovered it while sick, was a sign that it will be part of my discernment journey.

"Friends Forever"

The Ferguson, MO protests are happening REALLY close to where I live. There have even been (false) reports of riots by the school I work at. However, I am not going to blog about that today. I want to blog happy thoughts tonight!

AAAAAAANNNNNDDDD happy thoughts = YouTube....

No, really, you should totally try it!! I end up in the strangest places, but it's fun!

Tonight was a journey through Jr. High and High School. It started with this video:

I was going to blog about my terrible senior year, but then I remember..."THE PAST IS IN THE PAST!!!" And I should just "let it go"

I found this video tonight:

Wow!! So true!! It was a naive thougt that people I was friends with for 18ish years would just start ignoring me. We were Facebook friends until I had enough and deleted them.

But I have better friends! My college friends are AMAZING! We rode the struggle bus together and no one but us understand the pains of 12+ credit hours during the SUMMER semester!! I even spent my 21st birthday IN CLASS with them and they surprised me with this!

Then I have my TEC friends. I don't know where I would be without them. They are the reasons why I am where I am today. They are the ones that have encouraged me and held me up when I felt like I was falling down!

While I'm bummed that I wasn't "Friends Forever" with my high school friends, I have soooo many other AMAZ-BALLS friends! Ones that are supportive abd care about me! (But, I'm still looking forward to my 10 year class reunion in a couple of years, wonder what people will think about me...)

"I was in prison and you visited me"

mt 25:31-46

Jesus said to his disciples: "When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another,as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the king will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.' Then the righteous will answer him and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you,or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you,or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you didfor one of the least brothers of mine, you did for me.' Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you accursed,into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.' Then they will answer and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirstyor a stranger or naked or ill or in prison,and not minister to your needs?' He will answer them, 'Amen, I say to you,what you did not do for one of these least ones,you did not do for me.' And these will go off to eternal punishment,but the righteous to eternal life." 

First off, my favorite Gospel writer is Matthew. I get all excited when I'm at mass and I realize that the gospel is from Matthew. In my opinion, Matthew is easy to understand. 

Now, why I'm writing this post is to stop and think, "Am I a goat or a sheep?"

I guess what struck me was the "in prison and visited me" part. Now, this can be any type of prison. For the homebound it can be their house or even their body. For today, I'm thinking of it as an actual prison, with cells and guards.

I've never visited someone in prison. I have prayed for people in prison. Do you?

I have my reasons why I pray for them. One is simple, I want them to know God. People can and do change. Maybe all they need is a little divine intervention. I also pray specifically for those on death row. Is what they did wrong? YES! But is it also wrong to kill them for it? You can find my pro-life views here.

So while many of the things Jesus talks about may come easily to us, the prison one may seem tough for us. Not everyone is able to visit people in prison. Maybe you don't know anyone in prison. I talk a lot about TEC, there use to be a program similar called REC for those in prison. While visiting an actual prison may be difficult, we can pray for those in prison. 

I don't know why, but people seem to get upset when I ask them to pray with me for those in prison and those that have made mistakes.

Will you join me today in prayer for those currently in prison? Pray that they may come to know God and make a change in their lives!

Adventures!!!

I have a friend (shocker! I know!) and we enjoy the occasional adventure! She was part of the Nun Run in October, partly because I begged her to go with me! A few weeks ago we went to Saturday evening mass together and stumbled upon the Rite of Canadicy for our future diocesan deacons. It was pretty awesome! 

Other adventures together include road trips for TEC events...where we laugh at my strange driving habits. (I hate making left turns when the traffic doesn't stop and I tend to drive a bit fast...) When she drives, she has to contain her road rage...let's see if she gets this reference..

Thursday, we ventured together for a young adult event in St. Louis.

This one to be exact...if you live on the area, you should come to the next one!!

It was...interesting...it started off with reflections from people on what their baptismal call is and how they are still in a constant state of discernment. It's comforting to know that even people who look like they have it put together are still discerning what God is calling them to do. At one point, I was doubting my own call to religious life...

Then, we had some quiet prayer time...again, interesting. It's not how I pray so it was a bit difficult. We were asked to contemplate on how well we know ourselves and what would we like to know better. I feel like I know myself. A LOT of soul searching had happened since I graduated college and I have gotten to know myself. For example, I work better in the late evening time. My favorite place to pray is my bed. Once I lay down in my bed at night, there is little chance of me getting up. I sometimes struggle with being open and honest with people. I don't like offending people. I like to know things and HATE secrets and surprises. I want to please people, specifically God! I like to see people happy. I don't know what I would like to know more about myself...I did come to realization just the other day that I LOVE babies, as long as I can give them back to their parents. I didn't previously know this about myself because I truely love children. It was something I kept telling myself when I heard the voice calling me to religious life.

Then we did a little singing...my song was one we sang...I nearly started crying...Here I am Lord...it's all I can say to God...I have heard Him calling in the night...I will go Lord, if you lead me...I will hold your people in my heart...yes, I am beng called to religious life. This song confirmed it.

When I first started seriously discerning and attending weekly mass, this song was played nearly every Sunday. I have a connection to it and it was no coincidence that we sang THAT song when I was doubting my call.

I also enjoy the adventures my friend and I go on. I know she has a few she wants to go on and I have a couple I want to go on. Let's see where we end up next!!

Challenge: Digital Footprint

Did you know that what you put online doesn't ever really go away??

I did, but never really thought twice about it. Now, I'm careful of what I post. There isn't any inappropriate pictures of me. When it comes to what others post, I have to approve if they try to tag me. I try to watch my language and post happy things on Facebook. I don't use Twitter or Snapchat. Pinterest is mostly recipes. But, what I post reflects who I am. Is everything I post something I would want students to see? 

The answer...no! I went through my Pinterest first. I had a picture of a half naked woman on my fitness board...gone now! I had "funny" pictures about camp that were making fun of the girls I had in my cabin....gone now!

Then I moved to Facebook. First, I checked my security settings...Facebook had messed with them (again) and I changed everything to super secret, gotta know me to friend me. I took my phone number off. I then set off to review early posts I had made...ya I would post censored "bad" words. I deleted those posts. These posts were made when I was having a bad day and needed to vent, but I should never had posted them on Facebook. I am also super careful of who I "friend" online. I am not friends if I haven't met them in person!

What we post online can affect us getting jobs! Look at the (former) teacher from Texas who lost their job after a comment about the unrest in Ferguson, MO! (Side note: why do these teachers have jobs, but I don't???) She isn't the only one!! People have not gotten jobs because of what their digital footprint says about them! 

Here is your challenge:

Step One: Google Yourself...what comes up? If you don't, narrow it down with where you live. Are you proud of what shoes up?

Step Two: Check Your Settings...are you set to where only friends can see your posts, tweets, instagrams? Can people you don't know comment and share? Do you want people who don't know seeing these things?

Step Three: Purge Your Posts...delete the posts you aren't proud of. Go through everything and delete what you wouldn't want future employers to see. 

Step Four: Think Before You Click...keep your social media clean! If you are upset, do you want the whole world to know or would you rather message a friend? Would you show that naked picture to your grandma? Then don't snap chat it to a friend! 

I hope this all helps us to leave a cleaner digital footprint!

Discernment Update

I'm haven't updated where I am in the discernment process lately. Mostly because not much was happening. As I mentioned, after the nun run, I narrowed my choices, drastically. 

I knew the SSNDs (School Sisters of Notre Dame) were not "the right" place.

This was a kind of sad moment because I'm a teacher and they teach!

I also decided contemplative and cloistered orders weren't for me. My strengths are my willingness to minister to those in need.

I LOVE the mission of the Daughters of St. Paul! While I was talking to them, I kept thinking of where my talents fit into their ministry. I realized they don't. I am also not a fan of the habit. It was a strange feeling I had while there. I will do what I can to support them, but that's not where God is calling me.

So there are 2 orders that I am having a strong pull in my heart with...The ASCs (Adorers of the Blood of Christ) and CSJs (Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet). I had excluded the ASCs mostly because "they were too close to home" but they may be "the one" I'm not 100% sure yet.

Then, when I took the Vision Vocation Match quiz, it came up with the CSJs. Everyone I have talked to about this quiz always mentions the 100s of choices that pop up. I only remember the top coupe...I don't even think that I realized there were so many...my top match? The CSJs! I knew that I needed to explore this community! 

One of my favorite saints is St. Joseph. He is the patron saint of Wheat Teams and he is the worker. Often times people forget him because he was just a carpenter that married Mary and served as foster father to Jesus. His role was a supporting role and he did it without complaining! I want to be like St. Joseph! Now people bury his statue upside down in hopes of selling their house...

So, I contacted the CSJs. It took me about a month to figure out what to say in an email, but then just filled out a form that was on their website instead. (It's kind of awkward to put into words that you are wanting to discern with a community) They are right across "the river" in South St. Louis. I was invited to come visit and talk with some of the "newer" sisters. It was a weird feeling. I have been stalking them online for months and I finally got to meet them! I am going back tomorrow for a young adult event. I need the chance to get to know more of them better. I do love the work that they do!

I have also been in contact with the ASCs. I guess my "aversion" to them is simple. I know many of them and I want the chance to start new with people who haven't known me since high school and don't know my whole family. However, I kind of feel like I belong with them. I met with some of there vocation team on Monday and had lunch with them. They were awesome! It was a nice lunch and 2 hours flew by! I am discerning more seriously with the ASCs! A BIG thing that is pulling me in the direction of the ASCs is that they do more mission work around the world than the CSJs (from what I have read) I feel like God is calling me to minister to people around the world! (Fun fact, my phone just auto-corrected people to pope)

To sum up this somewhat rambling blog, I think I have narrowed my search to these two orders! That's a pretty big accomplishment! The next few months will be focused on getting to know sisters from both these communities and listening to what God is telling me.

Please continue to pray for me!

7 QT: National Vocation Awareness Week Style!

I celebrated by posting a fun, vocation related post each day on Facebook!

So here are 7 Quick Takes in Facebook posts!! Visit ConversionDiary for more!

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7.

Mary, Undoer of Knots, Pray for Us!

So I failed at the one rose invitation...kind of...I would give myself a D+...

I had it all thought out in my head what I was going to do for a dear friend of mine. I was going to purchase an artificial rose and attach a prayer and a note to it. Well, time got away from me and I completely forgot that I wanted to do this!! I even had a few days after St. Térèse's feast day before I would see her again!

Well, I'm doing some extra credit for being a crappy friend!

This friend and I had a mini-adventure not to long ago. We had time to chat about our vocation journey and share how we have been strengthening our relationship with God. 

I shared how I like to pray the rosary while driving and she shared with me about the divine office. We talked about going to adoration together. (To be honest, adoration intimates me. I'm not sure why, but I think I need to research it a little more)

We went to the gift shop of Our Lady of the Snows Shrine in Belleville. I was looking for a Miraculous Medal and she was looking for a few different things. While looking at their medals, I noticed the Mary, Undoer of Knots medal and told her how she helped me when I first made the decision to discern a religious vocation.

We left the shrine with our purchases and went to mass at the Cathedral. We noticed a lot of cars, but I shrugged it off as regular 4pm mass. We got inside and that is when I noticed some reserved pews...hmmm

It was the Rite of Candidacy for men who are in formation to become permeant deacons. What was really neat is that one of our friends was in this group! It was awesome to see this!

When I got home I was texting and joking with my friend about our mini-adventure and she mentioned how she had looked up Mary, Undoer of Knots and she is kind of awesome...

So, I gave her the Mary, Undoer of Knots medal and a prayer card about her. And, if you have never heard of Mary, Undoer of Knots, you should check her out!

I think this was a better gift than a rose! Mary, Undoer of Knots, pray for us!

Blogging For Books: My Sisters the Saints

WOWOWOWOWOWOW!!! What an amazing book!!! I picked this book to read because of others reviews and seeing it appear multiple times. I figured it was God telling me that I needed to read this book. I'm glad I listened! (Also super exciting it arrived before the 10-14 business days)

The book is a spiritual journey that Colleen takes throughout her adult life. It starts with her at the end of college. I don't think I have ever related so well to an author! It was an amazing journey I took!

I have been reluntant to read saint's biographies. I'm not a big fan of nonfiction writing and often find these books dry and hard to comprehend. This book was a great substitute for the saints Colleen writes about. Each chapter features a different saint and how that saint helped Colleen and can help us grow closer to God.

My favorite part was when Colleen talked about helping her dad. I felt connected to her by the way I helped my grandpa. There were times when it was tough for her to be there, and I had times when it was tough to live with my dying grandpa. 

I suggest this book to young ladies looking to strengthen their relationship to God! Now, I must go pass this book on to a friend who I think will also enjoy it!!!

• More Info
• Read Chapter One
• Author Bio

I received this book fromBlogging for Books for this review.