Candidacy!

Wow! What a busy bit I have had lately! I found out my welcoming community, put in my 30 day notice at my apartment, and moved in with 3 sisters. What a change that has been. I am up early enough to do morning prayer with them before I take off for work. I also do my best to be home by 5:30pm. Some nights everyone is home and some nights I'm alone. 

Another new development is I had my formal enterence ceremony! 

I received my symbol to show that I am in formation with the Adorers! It's a beautiful heart and cross. The red stone in the middle stands for the blood of Christ. This is the symbol I will wear until I take 1st vows.

The ceremony was nice and simple. One thing did catch me off guard and that was how nervous I was that morning. I was sick to my stomach and I wasn't sure I was going to go through with it. Why did I feel this way? I have no idea. I don't even know how to describe how I was feeling. I talked with my vocation director, shed some tears, and walked into the chapel with butterflies still in my stomach. I was beyond nervous standing in front of the chapel with all eyes on me. But it all went off without major incident!

It was an amazing weekend and I look forward to this journey!

I'm In!

So much has happened since my last post. 

First, I have received my acceptance letter!!! Yay!!! It's official now! I spent most of Christmas break just enjoying the fact that I was accepted and not worrying about the details of when and where and with whom. It was a wonderful break! I was able to go back to Illinois and visit family and friends. As well as spend time with the sisters at the Ruma convent.  

Since I have been back, the ball had begun rolling with everything. I have started meetings with my candidate director and and started the transition from telling my vocation director everything to telling her everything. It's difficult, mostly because I won't be having to face-to-face meetings. 

Leadership has been busy finding a welcoming community and a sister companion. Both of these things have been finalized! 

A welcoming community is a small community of sisters that I will be living with during my candidacy. There will be 3 sisters and myself living together. I'm excited, yet nervous about this. I have lived on my own the 6 months and it will be strange moving in with people I have never lived with. My commute to work will get longer and will include a highway that is known to have bad traffic. All of this will be new.

A sister companion is a sister who will be a confidant during formation. She will be someone I can go to and talk to about various things happening. My sister companion will not be a sister living in Wichita so this, too, will be a long distance relationship. I am working hard to trust leadership on this decision.

This is all for now. I have a meeting Tuesday with my candidate director and a meeting Thursday with my welcoming community. Please say a prayer...there is a chance I may be asked to discontinue my blog.

On A Season of Waiting

Advent is the season of preparing for the coming of Jesus. I have also read that it is a season of preparing for the 2nd coming. This year, for me, it is a season of waiting.

I did it guys! I have finished my application to join the Adorers of the Blood of Christ! It is all out of my hands now and on its way to leadership. This whole thing feels super surreal.

It's now time for me to wait. It seems fitting that it is during Advent that I am doing my waiting. I'm waiting on so many things. Will I get accepted? Where will be my welcoming community? Who will be my welcoming community? When will I get to move into community?

This Advent I will focus my frustrations of not knowing so many things into prayer. It will be a prayerful Advent as I await not only the coming of Jesus, but the answer to so many questions!

My Parish

Over the last year, one thing I have truly worked hard on is going to mass for the Eucharist and not because I liked the priest at that particular parish. My parish is at risk of getting closed. This devastated me because this is where I was baptized, received my first reconciliation and first communion, and was confirmed. I kind of hope to possibly say vows at my church someday. 

As much as it bothered me that my parish was at risk of closing, I was not attending mass there because I didn't like the priest. He tended to be long winded and I struggled with following his thoughts during the homily. Then I had my big revelation. 

If people aren't attending mass in their parish, then how will they know that we want our parish to stay opened?

With this thought, I decided to make en effort to attend mass in my home parish. I attended mass almost every Saturday night. When I missed it on Saturday, I went Sunday morning. The priest grew on me and I realized he should not have kept me away from my parish home. 

Then summer came and I found myself gone many weekends and unable to be at my parish home for mass. I missed it. I was finally finding my place in my parish as an adult! 

Then I moved.

I miss my parish family. I miss knowing people when I go to mass. I miss knowing where I sit and the songs that are going to be used. I miss the awkward chit chat at the end of mass. I miss my priest awkwardly asking how formation is going. I miss the church ladies and their hugs. I miss being able to leave my purse in the car because I know no one is going to mess with it. I miss being Eucharistic Minister.

This parish will always be my home parish. I look forward to being there for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. I will soak in as much of it as I can while I am home. In the meantime, I think I'll attend mass with the sisters this week. I need some familiar faces this week.

Oh, look, a Post!

Oh, hey there! Long time no see! It's been a crazy busy few months for me!

Back in June, I had a freak out moment where I was doubting everything I was doing. I was incredibly unhappy and didn't know if becoming a sister was what I should do. I had been turned down by one job, interviewed for another and offered one that I would love, but it would not pay enough for me to live on. I was really bummed. I pushed back my application to join the sisters and spent time focusing on me.

July brought more crazy-ness. My vocation director was in Italy at a formation conference. This gave me space and time to get over the fears I had back in June. I began wondering if I was joining the right order. Had I talked to enough people? I felt like I had left a window open with one order and needed the closer. I arranged a meeting and soon realized that I was, indeed, right where I was suppose to be. The end of July brought much craziness!

I had about given up hope of finding a full time teacher job. This summer, I had applied to so many different schools, I figured God was calling me somewhere else. The last week in July, I heard from a Catholic school in Wichita, KS. I had my interview, then I waited. While I was waiting, I had also heard from a Catholic school in New Mexico. I was offered the job in Wichita on a Thursday, interviewed for the New Mexico job on Friday and was unofficially offered that job. I had been applying to teach in Wichita for a year and half. I took that job!

August brought trips to Wichita to start the set-up process for my classroom and then to move in. Right after I made the drive here to move, I flew out to go to Chicago for Catholics on Call. I know I have said it before, but I can't spread things out. I do all things all at once. I have officially been in my apartment for a month! 

I am now a 2nd grade teacher at a small Catholic school in Wichita, KS. I have 21 students. I'm still slightly dazed that I am actually here. I was offered the job and then had to move within 2 weeks to start school. I am back on track with my application and looking to finish it before Christmas. I am happy and starting to find my grove here in Kansas!

See! I'm a teacher and everything!

A Lesson Learned the Hard Way

As I (think) I have mentioned, June was a busy month for me. 

June 8-11: Wichita Trip

June 12-14: TEC 50th Anniversary (I was in charge of the Wheat Team)

June 15-19: Ruma Visit

June 19-21: Assembly of US Region Sisters

June 21: Tickets to the Muny

I had spread myself a bit too thin and it stressed me out. These were all things I wanted to do, but should I? I also had family from out of state in June 12-14, would I get a chance to visit with them? I was/am applying for jobs that are full time and come with benefits, but not having much luck.

As you can see from my last post, I had a blast on my Wichita trip! I came home that Thursday and crashed! I had *hoped* to sleep until about 10am Friday. I would then get up and head to Belleville for the TEC 50th. I received a text at 7:30am asking if I could come early. I was at the 50th by 9:30am...I didn't get to sleep in and felt lucky to have clean clothes on. The day went well. They even gave me this awesome walkie-talkie comets with secret service earpiece!

I didn't get home until after midnight and was up again around 6am. This was the pattern for the weekend. I was exhausted by Sunday! Saturday night/Sunday consisted of a complete breakdown doubting my entire discernment. I wondered if I was going to fast. I was unsure if I should go on the Ruma visit. I was late Sunday morning getting to the 50th because I had been crying in my car. Walking in to the church, I began crying again. Once mass started, more tears of doubt. I spent the first part of mass in the bathroom, crying. And texting my vocation director. I did t know how to handle all these emotions. She was going to be in town the next day so I made her promise that we would have time to talk and I promised I would not back out (yet) from the visit.

Monday I slept and felt better, but I knew I needed to talk! She finally arrived and we had our talk. I felt better, not completely, but a bit.

Tuesday was rough. I felt like the third wheel, the tag-along, the unwanted visitor. (Another applicant from out of town was also visiting) Towards the end of the day, I almost just packed my bags and left. This was not like the Wichita visit. I felt like I needed space. Space away from the sisters. I had another talk with my vocation director and I told her this.

Wednesday was a whirlwind of minaret visits and learning I shouldn't give directions.

Thursday was restful and I feel myself recharge. I walked the labyrinth and had a HUGE revelation. (I'll be blogging it soon)

Friday-Sunday were okay. I still felt somewhat like a third-wheel. This is something I need to work on. 

I learned a valuable lesson. I can't and shouldn't do it all! The meltdown on Sunday was made worse by exhaustion. I am working on telling people no. Itisn't  always easy, especially when it's something I want to do. I need to remember, at this stage of formation, I need to take care of myself!

Wait? Has It Really Been Over a Month?!?!

What??? I have had a very busy summer and it's only July!! I think we need an update!

Let's start where I left off...my long awaited trip to WICHITA!!!

Oooo, look, airplane picture!!! Lol! My trip was too short! I left my house (too) early so I would have plenty of time to get to the airport and through security. No major issues. I then say and waited at my gate for a few hours. I'm glad I was early because waiting at my gate is a lot less stressful than waiting in a speeding car. My flight landed safely and on time in Dallas. Then I had my dreaded terminal change. I managed it without issue! I found my gate (after already 1 gate change) then went off in search of lunch. I then went back to wait the 3 hour layover out with (healthy) food and a Diet Pepsi!

Soon after finishing, they switched gates on us for the 3rd time. I gathered my belongings and headed to the new gate. We sit there for awhile and then I notice the flight has been delayed, only by a few minutes. I notify my vocation director/person who would be picking me up. Then they switch gates on us for a 4th time! I again get all my belongings together and head to the new gate.

As we wait at the new gate, the time for my flight keeps getting pushed back. We are now over an hour delayed. The plane finally shows up, we board, and we push out from the gate! Then we sit for another hour! We pull back up to the gate and they tell us they are having problems and we are getting off and they are going to restart the plane to see if that will fix the problem. Another hour later, all is well, we are back on the plane! The crew had a great sense of humor and the flight went fast. After being stuck at DFW for 6 hours, I was ready for Wichita!

I had missed all my scheduled activities for that day, but, at the time, I was okay with that. I was tired and ready for bed.

Tuesday morning came quick! The reality that I was making my first official convent visit was setting in! I woke up and went to breakfast and morning prayer. The day was a blur of meeting sisters and finding out about what their ministries are. I had a fabulous lunch/tour of Wichita with a sister who is a historian. Then we had some "sister sharing". I felt like I really got to know the sisters and they got to know me. I attended mass and evening prayer and then had dinner with a local community of sisters. I could have sat and listened to their stories all night! The night ended and I was driven back to the convent.

Wednesday was similar. We visited some of the local sponsored ministries. I attended "friendship coffee" with some of the sisters. I also set the date for one of the "tests" for my application. (Please keep me in your prayers on August 13). I had dinner with another local community. These sisters were much quieter. On our way back, they gave me a tour of Newman University and a history lesson. It was wonderful!

Thursday was wake up, breakfast, morning prayer, say good bye, and head to the airport. The trip went by way too fast! 

Summary: I can see myself in Wichita someday!