A Lesson Learned the Hard Way

As I (think) I have mentioned, June was a busy month for me. 

June 8-11: Wichita Trip

June 12-14: TEC 50th Anniversary (I was in charge of the Wheat Team)

June 15-19: Ruma Visit

June 19-21: Assembly of US Region Sisters

June 21: Tickets to the Muny

I had spread myself a bit too thin and it stressed me out. These were all things I wanted to do, but should I? I also had family from out of state in June 12-14, would I get a chance to visit with them? I was/am applying for jobs that are full time and come with benefits, but not having much luck.

As you can see from my last post, I had a blast on my Wichita trip! I came home that Thursday and crashed! I had *hoped* to sleep until about 10am Friday. I would then get up and head to Belleville for the TEC 50th. I received a text at 7:30am asking if I could come early. I was at the 50th by 9:30am...I didn't get to sleep in and felt lucky to have clean clothes on. The day went well. They even gave me this awesome walkie-talkie comets with secret service earpiece!

I didn't get home until after midnight and was up again around 6am. This was the pattern for the weekend. I was exhausted by Sunday! Saturday night/Sunday consisted of a complete breakdown doubting my entire discernment. I wondered if I was going to fast. I was unsure if I should go on the Ruma visit. I was late Sunday morning getting to the 50th because I had been crying in my car. Walking in to the church, I began crying again. Once mass started, more tears of doubt. I spent the first part of mass in the bathroom, crying. And texting my vocation director. I did t know how to handle all these emotions. She was going to be in town the next day so I made her promise that we would have time to talk and I promised I would not back out (yet) from the visit.

Monday I slept and felt better, but I knew I needed to talk! She finally arrived and we had our talk. I felt better, not completely, but a bit.

Tuesday was rough. I felt like the third wheel, the tag-along, the unwanted visitor. (Another applicant from out of town was also visiting) Towards the end of the day, I almost just packed my bags and left. This was not like the Wichita visit. I felt like I needed space. Space away from the sisters. I had another talk with my vocation director and I told her this.

Wednesday was a whirlwind of minaret visits and learning I shouldn't give directions.

Thursday was restful and I feel myself recharge. I walked the labyrinth and had a HUGE revelation. (I'll be blogging it soon)

Friday-Sunday were okay. I still felt somewhat like a third-wheel. This is something I need to work on. 

I learned a valuable lesson. I can't and shouldn't do it all! The meltdown on Sunday was made worse by exhaustion. I am working on telling people no. Itisn't  always easy, especially when it's something I want to do. I need to remember, at this stage of formation, I need to take care of myself!

Wait? Has It Really Been Over a Month?!?!

What??? I have had a very busy summer and it's only July!! I think we need an update!

Let's start where I left off...my long awaited trip to WICHITA!!!

Oooo, look, airplane picture!!! Lol! My trip was too short! I left my house (too) early so I would have plenty of time to get to the airport and through security. No major issues. I then say and waited at my gate for a few hours. I'm glad I was early because waiting at my gate is a lot less stressful than waiting in a speeding car. My flight landed safely and on time in Dallas. Then I had my dreaded terminal change. I managed it without issue! I found my gate (after already 1 gate change) then went off in search of lunch. I then went back to wait the 3 hour layover out with (healthy) food and a Diet Pepsi!

Soon after finishing, they switched gates on us for the 3rd time. I gathered my belongings and headed to the new gate. We sit there for awhile and then I notice the flight has been delayed, only by a few minutes. I notify my vocation director/person who would be picking me up. Then they switch gates on us for a 4th time! I again get all my belongings together and head to the new gate.

As we wait at the new gate, the time for my flight keeps getting pushed back. We are now over an hour delayed. The plane finally shows up, we board, and we push out from the gate! Then we sit for another hour! We pull back up to the gate and they tell us they are having problems and we are getting off and they are going to restart the plane to see if that will fix the problem. Another hour later, all is well, we are back on the plane! The crew had a great sense of humor and the flight went fast. After being stuck at DFW for 6 hours, I was ready for Wichita!

I had missed all my scheduled activities for that day, but, at the time, I was okay with that. I was tired and ready for bed.

Tuesday morning came quick! The reality that I was making my first official convent visit was setting in! I woke up and went to breakfast and morning prayer. The day was a blur of meeting sisters and finding out about what their ministries are. I had a fabulous lunch/tour of Wichita with a sister who is a historian. Then we had some "sister sharing". I felt like I really got to know the sisters and they got to know me. I attended mass and evening prayer and then had dinner with a local community of sisters. I could have sat and listened to their stories all night! The night ended and I was driven back to the convent.

Wednesday was similar. We visited some of the local sponsored ministries. I attended "friendship coffee" with some of the sisters. I also set the date for one of the "tests" for my application. (Please keep me in your prayers on August 13). I had dinner with another local community. These sisters were much quieter. On our way back, they gave me a tour of Newman University and a history lesson. It was wonderful!

Thursday was wake up, breakfast, morning prayer, say good bye, and head to the airport. The trip went by way too fast! 

Summary: I can see myself in Wichita someday!